


I'm jealous of your saddest day

by dramaticinsanity



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jealous Harry, M/M, Post S5E3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 11:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19004947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramaticinsanity/pseuds/dramaticinsanity
Summary: While keeping tabs on other Earths, Harry discovers unsettling news. Sherloque is not afraid to provoke his Earth 2 counterpart. Harry and Cisco have a talk.





	I'm jealous of your saddest day

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite/extension of the original on tumblr, that I never got around to posting a little while back. Uh, better late than never?

Harry sinks into his chair. Boredom makes his eyes heavy. From reconnecting with his daughter, to reinventing his company, to reinstalling his IQ, he has been busy. He feels he’s earned this minute of brief rest.

 

The silent time stretches on, and he desperately starts missing the other Earth, the team, and most of all Cisco. He faces the truth that he’s been keeping himself ridiculously occupied to the point of near collapse to keep them off his mind.

 

This, like dark matter charging his thinking cap, seems to have been a short lasting solution to a long term problem. He lost his sense of value to the team, then fled as a result. Sure, he told them he wanted to be with Jesse, and that was true to an extent. However, the root of the issue is he didn’t want to deal with the emotions.

 

His memories of the whole event are hazy. Right down to the vague impression that he scared the shit out of Cisco at one point. He doesn’t remember what he did or why, only that it wasn’t good at all. Speed Force knows what else he has forgotten. Perhaps he confessed to Cisco? He might’ve had an… honest moment with the team when all sense of logic was fading. That isn’t necessarily a good thing. He has more than a few bones to pick with the lot of them. For the sake of his continued presence on the team, he has always opted to keep his less savory opinions to himself.

 

He bows his head to touch his forehead to his fist. He clenches his fingers and barely keeps from groaning in frustration.

 

He leans back and flips open his watch. A hologram jumps out. He scrolls through the multiversal news. Earth-X was doing rather well, all things considered. Its heroes had recently been honored in a celebration for their valor. On Earth forty-seven a disgruntled dragon escaped and terrorized the unsuspecting populus. Apparently a ‘crazed elderly man’ pursued the dragon doggedly, yelling the name “Cisky” after it. The dragon did not obey this man but was eventually caught by authorities. The man was charged with reckless endangerment and dragon harassment, and he had to be put out to dry too, as he was quite drunk.

 

An uncategorized Earth reported on a mysterious vigilante called Batwoman. He raised an eyebrow at the costume, but he’s seen outfits more bizarre than a homage to winged mammals. On Earth thirty-eight, he reads an article by Nia Nal, not paying much attention to the topic but the quality of writing. It’s quite passionate, and he finds himself impressed, despite that journalism usually seems dull to him.

 

Jesse pops in, startling him only a little and sending papers flying with the wind. “Have you eaten today?”

 

“What are you, my mother?”

 

Jesse scoffs, “What I am is your daughter who wants to prevent you from going on a depressive hunger strike because you wish it were Cisco nagging you.”

 

Harry continues to scroll the news, pretending to ignore her remark. A bag plops on the desk from Big Belly Burger.

 

“Thanks,” he mutters.

 

“Go visit. Earth two survived your previous absencences, it will survive more.” Then she’s gone.

 

On Earth twelve, it’s national beard month. There’s nothing else remarkable going on. Crime is extremely low on that Earth, even petty crimes, and he hasn’t figured out why. Just looking at Wolfgang’s face makes him want to commit assault and battery. He rubs his chin, wondering if Herr Wells celebrates his Earth’s weird holiday. Harry had grown a beard only once in his life, unwillingly, and under unpleasant circumstances.

 

Finally, he forces himself to take a look at the Earth he is most familiar with besides his own. His heart immediately leaps into his throat and starts to race. “The Death of Vibe”, the article proclaims. It can’t be true.

 

It has to be fake.

 

Someone would have informed him. Barry could’ve been here already. Harry digs out his interdimensional extrapolator. He has to get to the bottom of this. He has to see Cisco’s body or tombstone for himself, no matter the extreme pain it would cause him. He needs some form of closure.

 

He clutches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes shut before pressing the button. He will not have an emotional moment in front of the team. He’ll do it when he’s alone. When he can mull over his regret of not expressing to Cisco what he truly meant to Harry.

  
  


The breach opens. It’s as quiet as his office. He waits for almost a minute. It quickly becomes apparent no one is rushing in like usual. Either they’ve gotten used to random intrusions or something serious is going on.

 

He doesn’t waste another second to search for someone to get answers. His heart hasn’t stopped pounding. It can’t be good for his health, but he ignores it for now.

 

Harry stops at the sight of another doppelganger. He rolls his eyes. It seems Team Flash just can’t bring themselves to try to survive without a Wells. He can’t blame them. He’s amazing.

 

“Harrison Sherloque Wells,” his doppelganger states without prompting, followed by a nod. “Nice funeral attire. Who died?”

 

Distracted, Harry completely ignores the inquiry and jab at his habitual style of dress for this Earth. “Yeah. Who else is around right now?”

 

“Ah,” Sherloque murmurs, examining him, “so you are the one he pines for? Here you are now, heartbroken and believing all hope is lost. The vein in your neck is standing out, and your face is flushed. You are stressed, panicking - and the downturn of your mouth suggests sadness, but the tightness in your eyes tells me you are holding it in with all your might.”

 

“What.”

 

“But of course, it is unmistakable. He hides behind his stale feelings for his ex, but he cannot hide his truth from the greatest detective in the multiverse. Bickering with me comes easily to him, yet he does not look directly in my eyes. He is watchful of me, borderline paranoid. Attachment issues, I think. He tends to lose his different incarnations of Wells after he formed a bond.”

 

Harry’s brain stalls from the wall of deductions. He’s relatively certain that Sherloque couldn’t have possibly gotten all of that just from looking at them. Maybe he did, but his inner sceptic doesn’t believe he didn’t do some surreptitious research. He tries to recall if the Council of Wells ever mentioned this one.

 

“Are you the greatest? There are a plethora of Earths.” This Sherloque Wells seems more full of himself than anyone else on the council. Harry tries to muster patience.

 

Harry shakes his head. He needs to rewind, a lot. “Who pines for me?”

 

“Cisco Ramon. He cries and drinks himself stupid for a love that cannot be. However, I was all too happy to pick up the pieces. A rebound - and one with the visage of the man he lusts after. Among other things.”

 

It takes Harry a bit too long to process all of that. He barely picks up on the reassurance that Cisco is in fact alive, unlike his multiverse news scrolling endeavor suggested. That had been nasty shock. He doesn’t think he’ll be entirely alright for a while. The relief makes tears spring to his eyes, but he blinks them back and addresses the next slice of information.

 

Harry advances on his doppelganger and snatches him by the lapel. He growls, “You slept with Cisco?”

 

If this Wells has ruined his chance with Cisco, he will throw his entire line of progress made in the past couple of years out the window, in order to murder him. He takes a shuddering deep breath. He bares his teeth. Sherloque merely appears amused.

 

“Answer me.”

 

Sherloque’s voice dips low, sultry. “Cisco est... _magnifique_. Such misfortune it is, to have missed your window, ‘Arry. _Mon dieu._ He has the passion of a thousand -”

 

Harry’s vision blurs as he turns white-hot with a spike of rage. He has no right, but unbidden images spring to the forefront of his mind. He can see this imposter - his hands, sliding over Cisco’s skin. He can see Sherloque’s fingers in Cisco’s hair, maybe even tugging. He can see his lips, claiming Cisco’s lips. He can see him whispering sweet nothings into Cisco’s ear, he can almost hear Cisco moaning.

 

He wanted to the be the one. He tried to tell Cisco, but it didn’t work. So he left, as though that would solve anything. As though it would soothe the ache in his heart. It only grew in strength while he tried to separate himself from the situation.

 

He shouldn’t be angry, he brought this upon himself. Yet he is, he wants to punish his  doppelganger as though he’s the one who fucked up time after time.

 

Harry roars and shoves him into a table, sending objects loudly clattering to the floor. Sherloque is unphased, continuing to smirk.

 

“Harry? What are you doing here?”

 

The voice sounds vaguely like Cisco, but it’s heavy lead and dry sandpaper. Sherloque slips from his grasp and slinks away. Harry walks over to Cisco. He shouldn’t be surprised Harry is here. Wouldn’t his powers have sensed him? What about the STAR labs monitoring equipment, was he not near it?

 

Harry swipes the drink from his hand, ignoring the whining sound of protest. He downs the rest and sets the glass aside. Cisco stand still, his head down, as Harry examines him.  

 

Harry lightly touches the fiber of his sling with trepidation. “Ramon.”

 

Cisco looks at him. His eyes - it doesn’t take a detective to recognize the signs of some kind of sorrow. He may be in pain, but he’s alive, so wonderfully, beautifully, alive. Cisco is staring at him. He needs to continue, express his feelings, or ask how Cisco is feeling, something.

 

Of all things what comes out of his mouth is, “I thought your breakup was mutual.”

 

Cisco sniffles. Harry hates seeing him upset. He wears it so softly, such a vulnerable light is cast over him. Cisco rubs his arm, and he shrugs a little. “We had a special connection through our powers. I didn’t realize how it would cling to everything.”

 

“That’s not all that’s bothering you, is it?” He’s hardly going to trust the word of a doppelganger he just met, but he can’t help wondering. He expects Cisco to appear confused.

 

Instead, he looks away, biting his lip guiltily. “Kind of.”

 

Harry strokes his uninjured shoulder. He hopes he isn’t imagining the way Cisco slightly leans into the touch. He may regret starting this thread, but he can’t push the words back inside his mouth now.

 

“Do you want to talk about it? Sherloque suggested that -” Cisco’s eyes go wide, and he inhales sharply. “-There’s someone else. You have feelings for.”

 

It’s wishful thinking. The swell of unwarranted hope almost makes him nauseous. He waits on a dangerous edge for Cisco’s reply.

 

“Yes. It would never work though. He - he always - I never - you know what, forget this -” Cisco tries to escape. Harry squeezes a little, stopping him.

 

“He?”

 

Harry is a certifiable idiot. He didn’t mean to focus on that detail, but there had previously been no definitive proof. Cisco drops his chin to his chest.

 

“Yeah,” Cisco mutters to the floor, “it’s been a while. Since I liked a guy. But he really gets me.”

 

“Not enough to see how much he hurts you. He should know he doesn’t deserve you though. You’re incredible Cisco. Smart, funny, handsome, with the cutest smile in the multiverse, and you’re so compassionate. Whoever he is, he’s a fool. I don’t know what kind of people your exes must truly be to not keep you.”

 

Harry delights in the way that Cisco turns red. He also makes a small hissing air noise probably meant to be a disagreement. Thankfully, Cisco doesn’t verbalize it. That would force Harry to embarrass himself further by going into detail about Cisco’s greatness.

 

Cisco doesn’t seem to know how to respond. “I -”

 

Cisco licks his lips. He looks thoughtful. Clearly, Harry has managed to render him speechless, a rare and treasured occurrence for the adorable expressions and fidgeting that results.

 

Ever since the dark matter zapping his brain, it’s like a dam broke into a free flowing river. It’s a river that sometimes overflows because his ability to hold back his emotions has dampened. He has a tendency to say what’s on his mind, his heart, much to his daughter’s entertainment.   


He reaches with his thumb, shaky, and he wipes a tear off Cisco’s face. He stares at his thumb, wishing he had the privilege to put his lips on Cisco’s cheek instead. He’s probably giving away too much, but he’s past caring. He thought Cisco was dead. If his secret is revealed, he would rather Cisco be aware of how much he’s loved.

 

Harry takes one of his hands and grips it between two of his. He’s gentle, careful of the bandages. He doesn’t even know whether these injuries stem from one event or multiple. He can’t believe he left. He won’t make that mistake again.

 

Cisco is breathing raggedly. He whimpers and grabs the glass from earlier, tipping it to his lips. He jerks his hand away and frowns, obviously forgetting that Harry took the rest.

 

“I - can’t handle this. I’m tired of - what was it? People not deserving me or whatever. I try to be strong for the sake of the team, but to do that I have to be numb. I - I feel. I feel too much Harry!”

 

Cisco slams the glass down. Harry twitches, expecting it to break. Luckily, there are no flying glass shards to worry about. Cisco doesn’t shed anymore tears, he’s probably nearly cried himself out, going by Sherloque’s words earlier. Harry’s heart feels like it’s in a vice.

 

He gazes into Cisco’s melancholy eyes and says, “I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. But just let me say - alcohol isn’t the answer. Sleeping with a two-bit player you barely know isn’t the answer. You want to suffocate the pain, what you’re doing is dulling it for a moment and then feeding the flames.”

 

Cisco blinks at him. A little smile developes. Harry rejoices internally. “Hey Harry, when did you start dealing with emotions so much?”

 

“I have regained my former intelligence level, but my experiences have sharpened my emotional quotient as well.”

 

“An extreme way to develop EQ.” His smiles widens. Harry wants to hold him forever and protect him from the evils of the world, or he’d like to kiss him, at least. “If it works, it works. I’ve missed your wit and sarcasm though.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’m still the snarky grump you all know and love, just with somewhat more cushioning than thorns.”

 

“That’s good to hear.” To Harry’s horror, Cisco produces another bottle from nearby cabinets and makes to pour himself a glass. He must have them stashed all around for convenience. That’s definitely worrisome behavior. Harry swiftly blocks him from his goal. Cisco pouts.

 

“Gimme that! My chest aches. My vibe senses - they itch! Harry -”

 

“Please, as your friend, I’m suggesting you get help. I almost gave myself over to addiction because I thought it was the answer. Don’t go down that road. I don’t want losing you to become a reality like that article made me think.”

 

Grimly he continues, prodding Cisco’s shoulder with a feather light touch. “Have you taken pain medication for this?”

 

“No but I was going to -”

 

“Have you consulted anyone or checked if they can be mixed with alcohol? Even Snow might know this information.”

 

“No but -”

 

“That could be fatal Cisco. You would be dead before someone could - before even a speedster could react,” Harry growls.

 

Cisco nods. Then, his brows knit in perplexity. “What did you mean before about - uh - casually sleeping with a near stranger? I - I haven’t been with anyone since before Cynthia and I broke up. In any romantic or sexual capacity.”

 

Harry chokes on air, and it turns into a cough. He’s mostly surprised by the sudden neck jerking change of topic. “Sherloque implied you two were physically involved -”

 

Cisco snorts. “What exactly did he say? For the past week he had tried to get into everyone’s pants, with no success. Well, I’m not entirely sure whether or not Ralph took him up on the offer. I have no idea if he’s inclined toward -”

 

“He said a bunch of nonsense apparently.”

 

“I’m not fucking surprised. That asshat is impossible. I have to admit though, if my heart wasn’t already in another place, I can’t claim that I wouldn’t at least consider hitting that. Scruff is a good look for you.”

 

“I did not need that information. Also, I’m not growing any hair on my face, so you can forget about it.”

 

Harry almost mentions the other places he has hair, and if that would be enough to please Cisco. He reels himself in, remembering that they’re not actually in a relationship, like he sometimes pretends while trying to fall asleep at night. _When_ he sleeps.

 

“Sorry. Why would he lie like that though? For fun? That is sick and twisted.” Cisco starts to head in the direction that Sherloque left. Harry’s stomach burns. He doesn’t want Cisco anywhere near him.

 

“Where are you going? Don’t give him the attention.”

 

“He usually admits to his reasons when pressed, so I could -”

 

“Obviously, it was to make me jealous,” Harry blurts before he can’t think it through. “Damnit.”

 

“Uh.”

 

He’s already in trouble. There’s no point stepping on the brakes if it’s just going to catapult him through the windshield.

 

“Because I’m in love with you.” Cisco claps a hand over his mouth and turns from him immediately. Harry couldn’t deny it any longer. He rushed to this Earth without a second thought to find out if Cisco was really dead. He nearly tripped over himself in a rush to comfort him and suggest he not drive himself into an early grave anyway.

 

Harry adds softly, “I’m sure he could read me like an open book.”

 

Harry stands there uselessly. There’s nothing more he can say on the matter. A moment of tense uncertainty passes, and then there is an arm around neck and clumsy lips at the corner of his mouth. Harry wraps his arms around him. He can hear light laughter and smell Cisco’s shampoo under his nose. He puts his hands on Cisco’s cheeks and kisses him directly on his plush lips. They sigh happily in unison.  


Cisco pulls back. Harry notices he’s pulled Cisco so close that he’s on his tip toes. Cisco unfurls his hand with a wince, as he had used it to clamp the fabric of Harry’s shirt. He rocks backward and gazes up at Harry with wide eyes. Harry slowly cradles his hand and brings it to his mouth, with eye contact that lingers as long as possible.

 

He closes his eyes and places soft kisses on his wrist, feeling the pulse beneath his lips, a reminder of life. He wanted to do it earlier when he’d held Cisco’s hand - but at that moment it would have been going too far. Unrestrained now, he gives the same attention to his other hand.

 

“I’m sorry. I - I would’ve propelled us to this point sooner but I - had doubts, fears. I’m sure you did too. When I thought you were gone -”

 

“I’m here,” Cisco whispers, his voice a bit husky in the good way. There’s a pause where they silently drink in each other’s presence and openness. It’s relaxing, and Harry thinks he might sleep better tonight.

 

Cisco shatters it, remarking, “Fuck, Harry. Now I owe that dick a favor.”

 

Harry takes that to mean they’re unquestionably on the same page. He doesn’t let go of Cisco’s hands. They’re warm and perfect in the way they’re slotted in his. He exhales a puff of air that is not-quite-a-laugh and shakes his head.

 

“You don’t owe him shit. I’ll gladly give him a knuckle sandwich though, for letting me think he had his business anywhere near yours.”

 

They would have words. No matter Sherloque’s intentions, he knew what he was doing, and it was borderline cruel. Nonetheless, deep down he is thankful for the result.

 

Cisco chuckles, his eyes full of warmth. “I didn’t know you had such a jealous streak. Anyone ever tell you how hot you are like this?”

 

“No. Tell me more.” Harry slides his hand to Cisco’s lower back and pushes in close. Cisco hums and his tongue peeks out to wet his plush lips.

 

“Oh I will,” Cisco purrs and kisses him again.

 

Despite the undertones, Harry’s only current strong desire is to cuddle Cisco until he heals. They’re definitely disappearing for a day or two. Pleasures of the flesh can come later.

 

Harry murmurs against Cisco’s lips, “Do you want to come to my Earth?”

 

He’s prepared for a refusal. He doesn’t expect Cisco to just drop everything and galavant away with him.

 

Yet Cisco brightens. “I was planning to lay low for a bit. Going to another Earth would be ideal. Not for too long but. It beats staying with my parents.”

 

Harry manages not to growl. His expression probably does turn thunderous, if Cisco’s eyes widening and holding up his hands in placation is any sign.

 

He replies, “Definitely not after how they’ve treated you over the years. You deserve better. With me?”

 

Cisco still has his arm around Harry’s neck and is still hanging off him. “I think it would be time well spent.”


End file.
